Secrets & Lies

Ok anyone who knows me knows I don't like lies.  In fact I hate them and try my very best not to ever lie.  I heard once at church, that a lie is a lie is a lie.  White lies, black lies...they are all lies.  So that literally stuck in my head and since that message I try not to ever lie.  Don't get me wrong...I'm human so upon occasion I have told my share of little lies.  

Being that I hate to lie, keeping my pregnancy a secret has been very hard; and I've only known I am pregnant for a week!  The day after I found out one of my best friend's Amanda came over.  It was terrible keeping this secret from her.  I kept catching myself touching my belly (as if I suddenly have a baby bump) and wanting to make reference to the little poppyseed growing my belly.  Nope couldn't do it.  Then our good friend Jason came over the same weekend to hang out with Husband.  He was nice enough to cook breakfast and I asked if there was enough for me.  He said, "yeah, I guess I can me enough for three" (in his most sarcastic voice).  I wanted to reply, "how about for four, wink, wink?"  Then my other bestie Priscilla, Amanda and I were supposed to go to a Beth Moore program at church the other night.  I was home most of the day feeling pretty cruddy (exhausted and nauseous) and I just could not get myself up off the couch.  So an hour before the event I emailed the girls and told them I couldn't go, that I had gotten my period and I was feeling terrible.  I hated to lie, but it's too soon to tell.

Which brings me to my next point; waiting 12 weeks to tell SUCKS!  I mean, this is the most exciting thing in my life next to getting proposed to and marrying Daniel and I can't tell a soul!  That just doesn't make any sense.  All the sites recommend keeping it hush hush until the end of 12 weeks to make sure everything is ok.  I'm having a hard time keeping it hush hush until my first doctor's appointment (which by the way is ions away on February 27th).  I did cheat and I did tell two friends, mainly because one is my moral compass and my calm and i needed some emergency calming the day I found out and the other because I guessed she was pregnant literally 3-4 weeks into her pregnancy. I figured it was only fair.  Without these two ladies I would be bursting at the seams.  Actually I am bursting but I have to keep it controlled and only to these two ladies.  

I know that once I publish my blog my friends will read and see how much it tore me up to lie and keep this secret from them.  Geez, by the time I publish my blog I will probably have about 100 entries at the rate I am going.  For now the blog is my own form of therapy, my way of keeping quiet.  At least I can write how I feel.  I'm not sure if I will wait the full 12 weeks to tell my besties and our parents.  I am not sure that I can handle keeping it that quiet but we will see.  Usually I am a great secret keeper but who can keep a secret about a poppyseed?