It' My Party...and I'll Cry if I Want to!

Phew....I am finally awake enough and have found a few minutes to type up an update. I knew being a mommy was going to be busy but someone forgot to mention a few minor details. Everyone's advice to me was, sleep when she sleeps. Ok sounds easy enough. WELL....they also forgot to mention all the other things you have to do as a new mommy. Here is a quick rundown:

Baby goes down for nap, you go down for nap right? Wrong...here is a snapshot of how things really pan out.

• Baby is finally asleep...now would be a good time to eat, you didn't realize you hadn't had breakfast and it's now lunch time
• Pump...oh joy, since I have to both breastfeed and bottle feed I also have to pump, there goes at least 15 minutes of my supposed nap time
• Wash bottles and prep bottles for next round of feedings
• Oh yeah, I have to pee...now would be a good time to go
• Don't forget to tend to your mommy birthing wounds (won't go into detail here because I don't want to frighten you non mommies)
• Catch up on your social life (respond to text messages---sadly some are 3+ days old, emails, etc.) phone calls are usually out because those would require some semblance of brain power which you do not have and the reserves that you do have must be saved for baby
• Lie down and finally time for nap....WUAHHHHHH (welp that was a good 15 minute nap)

So that's kind of how my day goes. Some days SG naps a little longer and I can catch some good zzz's. I will say week three (yes she 3 weeks now...time is flying by!) is easier. She is napping longer and on a pretty decent schedule (thank you Baby Wise!).

So before my lil egg roll wakes up I wanted to post some photos of SG's birth. As you know we opted to induce a week early because my OB was going to be out of town. Thank goodness we decided to do so because had we waited another week SG would have been even bigger than she was and I would have likely had a C section which I was not interested in. On Monday, September 24th Husband Daddy and I loaded up and headed to the hospital. I had a lot of nervous energy and didn't know what to do...my adrenaline was running. So I decided to do what any expectant mom would do...put on some good jamz...hello Jay Z and Kanye. Husband laughed at my choice in music but this is the same stuff I listen to when I am about to go on a long run. We were promptly greeted by my amazing LD nurse. Once we were settled in they started me on the smallest dose of Pitocin since we discovered I had already started labor.

The next few hours flew by. Every hour I seemed to progress by about 2 cm. Once my contractions were two minutes apart I finally asked for my epidural. Then at 6 PM my nurse asked me if I was ready to have a baby and start pushing! She and my doctor both thought I would have Sofia Grace by 6:45. And so the pushing began. This was it....I felt like I had been training for this for months. All the working out was about to pay off. But....as God and SG would have it, they had a different agenda. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing and nothing. Everyone kept saying, "you're so close." So close to what?! Nothing was happening and by 7:10 there was still no SG. I grew very frustrated and wondered why I wasn't able to push my lil nugget out. Like I said, I was ready and had "trained" for this (like having a baby is a race or something...silly me). Finally, my doctor said, "Lissette, I don't want to keep making you push for another 2 hours. I would like to use the forceps. Sofia is getting stuck on your coccyx bone so every time you push she progress but then gets stuck on your bone. I would rather save your energy, use the forceps than make you keep pushing, exhaust you and then have to resort to a C section because you are too tired." Ugh, this was NOT my birth plan but as I have learned the last nine months I am not really in control of much and I knew this was what God had intended so I conceded.

I will spare you the gory details but let me tell you...I definitely felt some discomfort. By my second to last set of pushes I started to get so angry and it hurt to push (my coccyx bone was being pushed on to make room for our nugget...NOT comfortable, I felt like it would break if I pushed any harder). I finally yelled out, "I can't do it, she's not coming!" I was so upset and tired and then finally I snapped out of it after saying a quick prayer. "That's it, let's get her out." Seriously, I said all of this and then the next set of pushes our sweet lil angel was here...major cone head and all! She arrived at 7:47 PM on September 24, 2012 and weighed a whopping 8 lbs. 6 oz and 21" long. We still aren't sure how she fit inside of me...we were expecting a pettite 6+ pounder!

I really don't recall much after SG arrived because I immediately came down with a high fever and became sick. Daddy was there to hold SG and welcome her into the world. He was with her the entire time they cleaned her off, checked her stats, got her footprints and more. I was amazed to see my husband who has never been around infants take on the role of daddy so effortlessly. It was as if he had been a daddy all his life and I immediately fell deeper in love with him. After about two hours I felt good enough to finally hold my lil miracle and it was magical. Words cannot describe the intense emotion you feel holding something that you and your spouse created. For those non-believers, holding a baby will at least make you question God's existence. I was in awe as I stared at perfection personified...ten lil fingers, ten lil toes...all perfect. Every coo, gurgle, grunt and sigh made my heart melt and I could not believe that WE created this beautiful lil being. One of the most magical moments was when Sofia looked up at me with her big eyes. She stared at me as if she knew exactly who I was. I had waited so long to meet my sweet girl and the bond she and I shared as we locked eyes was one of the most powerful, overwhelming feelings I have ever felt in my life. In that moment it was as if the world stopped, everything grew still and it was just me and my Sofia Grace.

Now SG is almost four weeks old and although the mommy journey has been much more than I expected I am more in love with her than the moment I first laid eyes on her. Her personality has already made itself known (that's for a whole other blog posting). For now, here are some shots from Sofia's debut...it was her party and she definitely cried when she wanted to.

 

"Hello world...ugh, I am exhausted!  It was a lot of working being born!"



Finally able to hold my Sofia Grace.

Perfection.

"Mom, dad, I've only been here a few minutes and you guys have already kissed me about a million times!"

Love at first sight.

She's already got him wrapped around her fingers.

My cup runneth over.

We were so excited...our SG was finally here!

We did it!

Snug as a newborn bug in a rug!

I love being in my mommy's hands.

"Ahh this is the bestest sleeping position!"

Sofia Grace, the human Gloworm!

 

Today is a BIG day...a VERY BIG day!

Today is a big day...a very big day for us. One week ago today at 7:47 PM our sweet Sofia Grace came into the world. Our sweet angel, our lil miracle chose us to be her parents and we were couldnt have been happier. 

All in all my labor was not too difficult.  I was lucky in that I was only in labor a total of 10 hours.  In fact when we went in for my induction last Monday we discovered that I was in the very early stages of labor so it didn't take much pitocin to kick start my labor.  At 6 PM I started pushing.  Everyone said I would probably have her out in about 45 minutes later.  An hour and a half later I was still pushing and becoming VERY frustrated.  I had prepared for this day for months, working out as long as I could, doing all my kegal exercises and more.  And still SG would not budge.  My amazing doctor, Dr. Gottesman, told me that my cocix bone was very curved and SG's head was getting stuck on it and after every push SG would essentially get sucked back in (sorry for the lack of a better description).  So he told me he wanted to use forceps, which I was not excited to use but if it meant we wouldn't have to perform a C section then I was all for it.  Long story short, with some help SG finally arrived.  Unfortunately, right after delivery I became sick and developed a fever.  I felt as thought I would faint and wasn't even able to hold my sweet baby girl.  Daddy was amazing and took care of her right after birth but sadly I never had that moment right after birth of holding her.  I had envisioned a beautiful moment with skin to skin contact, tears falling down my cheeks with daddy watching over us.  But instead I didn't get to hold her for almost two hours after birth.  Thankfully, we had arranged to have a friend of ours who is also a photographer capture Sofie's first hours here on Earth.  I will post these in another post.

Besides today being Sofie's one week birthday it is also a day to thank our great God for once again performing one of his glorious miracles. On Wednesday of last week we brought SG home.  By Thursday night I started to notice something didn't seem right with SG.  While in the hospital she was sweet and serene.  By Thursday night she had changed.  She seemed hungry every hour, wouldn't rest more than 30 minutes and just seemed cranky all the time.  Most would say, "that's a newborn," but deep down I knew something was off.  Not to mention by Friday morning SG had not had a wet diaper since 10 PM the night before.  She also hadn't had a dirty diaper since 6 PM the night before.  I decided to call my pediatrician and spoke to a nurse explaining that I thought SG was not getting enough food and seemed dehydrated.  My milk had still not come in and I wondered if Sofie was simply hungry.  I was directed by the nurse to take SG to the ER. 

Daddy and I were nervous but we thought we would go to the ER, they would give her some fluids and we would head home.  That was not the case at all.  By the time we arrived to the ER Sofie looked very jaundice.  The triage nurse worked so quickly that before we knew it SG had an IV put in and was being admitted to the NICU.  Admitting hadn't even processed her paperwork when all of this had been done.  The next days were surreal.  Our lil sweetness was taken to the level 3 (highest level) NICU.  Everything happened so quickly and is all a blur.  We were told that Sofie's bilirubin levels were extremely high and had we waited any longer her brain and organs could have been affected.  She was also dehydrated and as suspected slightly malnourished.  She had lost a pound since we brought her home.  Some weight loss is ok but we were told it was too much.  The doctors told us that they would begin fluids and phototherapy treatments.  They also wanted me to breastfeed her but I simply didn't have any milk so we had to supplement.  I felt like a failure.  My body failed me and because of it my baby was now in the NICU.  I was eating right and drinking LOTS of fluids and still nothing.  I felt like I had starved my own child.

The next parts I will tell through photos.  We haven't told a lot of you what is going on mainly because we were not sure what the outcome would be.  I was scared of telling too many people and didn't want a bunch of postings on Facebook about what was going on.  I was basically just scared and when I am scared or stressed I tent to keep to myself.

Poor SG had to wear goggles.  My heart broke seeing her hooked up to all the machines.  We weren't able to hold her because she had to remain under the lights which help the bilirubin reincorporate into the blood so that it can be eliminated through waste.  Essentially, jaundice is when bilirubin (toxic) counts are increased and are not released via waste.  Since SG wasn't eating enough she wasn't creating waste and her bilirubin increased.

This was day two...we laughed because she LOVED this position (not recommended at home) and it is how her daddy likes to sleep.  Sweet baby and her goggles.  :(

I love this picture.  Since SG was malnourished they decided to giver her a nasal feeding tube.  This made me so sad.  We would try to either breast feed or bottle feed and whatever she didn't eat they fed through her tube.

Still day two and we were able to hold her for just a tiny bit to feed her.  I love this lil face!



Day two was also game day.  Daddy remembered to wear his UT gear.  It was a good day for us.  Sofie had wet and dirty diapers, was starting to eat on her own and Texas won!  We decided SG sent the Longhorns some positive vibes.  Hook 'em!



Day 3 and SG was off phototherapy!  Her bilirubin counts had been cut in half and the best part was that we were able to hold her!  She looked like a lil gloworm!

I was so happy to finally hold my baby!  It's amazing how quickly you fall in love with them.  Not being able to hold her tore my heart apart so this was a very big deal for me.  We just sat together and I would stare at her for hours.

Mom, stop kissing me so much!

Day 3 was also a big day for Sofie.  She finally got to put some clothes on.  My midday SG decided she was over her feeding tube and took it out herself!  Typical of our daughter to be that headstrong and on her own schedule.  The doctors were ok with her removing her tube so we just left it out.  She's a happy lil nugget here.

 



Day 4 and we are going HOME!  I had convinced myself she would not go home because I didn't want to get my hopes up.  When I walked into the NICU SG was propped up in a bouncy chair.  She looked like such a big girl.  Shortly after this pic the doctors rounded and told me SG was good to go home!

A few things to note about this experience. One, I discovered how strong our marriage is. I always knew we had a good marriage but going through this made me realize what a great team we are. Husband Daddy and I are truly a team and God blessed us with each other. Two, I realized how easily we take things for granted. A simple smile, a snuggle, a hug...it all seems so natural when you first have your baby but when you can't hold your baby you realize how much you take it for granted. Three, SG has a ferocious temper. I'm not talking about regular grumpy baby temper. I'm talking about the kind that is rageful...all the nurses talked about how headstrong she is and how she tries to do things on her own (feed, hold her pacifier, etc.). I laugh because this means she has my temper...God definitely has a sense of humor. Four, as hard as it was to leave Sofie overnight, I learned how important sleep is for a momma. I lost it the first night when I had to leave her. I refused to go home but after much coaxing from Husband, the doctors and nurses I went home and literally passed out in 2.2 as soon as my head hit my pillow. I needed the sleep and had to get better. That night not only did I rest but my milk came in!

Five, God is GOOD, no he is GREAT! We are beyond blessed that we caught all of this early and that God took care of our lil angel. Our prayers were answered and now our sweet angel is home. Our dear friend Barry told us to keep our faith, God is not surprised by what is happening and he has a plan. We trusted in God and now here I sit writing this blog post with Husband Daddy holding his lil girl next to me.

I am sorry I didn't share this with everyone sooner but now that we are on the road to recovery I feel better about sharing our story. Thank you all of you for your love and support. God bless everyone!



 

 

September 24th...Maybe

Hi everyone!  I FINALLY have something exciting to post!  That's right, not another wah-wah post about discomfort, pain, frustration, etc. 

 

Husband and I had our weekly check-up today.  Last week I was a bit deflated when I had not made much progress from the week before, except that SG dropped a bit more.  In terms of dilating, I was exactly where I was the week before.  I was pretty disappointed when I heard this.  I thought the ball bouncing and exercise would help but as SG would have it, she wasn't interested in making any changes.  So this last week I have tried not to think about it all too much.

 

Well, my plan must have worked because today we found out that I am dilated to 2 cm (I know, not much), I am 60% effaced and SG has dropped even more.  It wasn't the progress I was hoping for but it was still something.  The doctor asked how I was doing and I told him that I was experiencing the usual pregnancy pains and discomfort.  Then he asked if we were interested in inducing.  Unbeknownst to him Husband and I had been discussing this.  I really did not want to induce but not being able to get out of bed and/or roll over and on some days not get up the stairs because of my ligament pain, I have slowly changed my mind.  I told the doctor I knew I was being selfish and he explained that it wasn't selfish.  He explained that SG has progressed very well and he feels very comfortable with us inducing if we wanted to.  He then told us he would be out of the office Tuesday and Wednesday.  That pretty much sealed the deal for me.  I really didn't want to have come this far with my doctor only to have someone else deliver.  I know, I know, it happens all the time but remember I am a control freak.  So, we decided collectively that if Sofia Grace does not arrive over the weekend then we are going to induce Monday, 09/24!

Insert extreme excitement and fear!  Husband's face was awesome, "Wait so when you say Monday, you mean this Monday right?  Alright, this is getting real!"  How cute.  He was so funny and sweet all at once.  So here we are...only a few days from meeting our lil puff nugget.  I cannot even explain what I feel.  Fear, anxiety, excitement, love...everything all rolled into one.  Which probably explains my breakdown in the parking lot.  I just feel so filled with emotion that I don't know what to do with myself.  My good friend Priscilla says everyone needs a good cry, or "oil change" as she calls it every now and then. 

 

The next few days will be full of lots of emotions I am sure.  Husband will be frantic getting work lined up and prepping for daddy-hood.  I will be spending the next few days wrapping up a few things around the house and snuggling our pups and as much time with Husband as possible.  I will also spend some time in private with God.  I just feel so immensely blessed to have been given such grace by such an amazing God!  He is my rock, my strength and my protector.  Thank you to all of you for being such wonderful friends and doing everything from listening to me vent, offering advice, bringing us meals, grocery shopping, etc.  We are so blessed to have all of you in our lives.  Please keep us in your prayers and hopefully by my next post our lil Sofia Grace will have made her debut.

 

Love to all!

10 cm is how big?!

Hi everyone...I haven't posted in a bit because there hasn't been much to post other than I am still getting big!  Daniel and I visited the doc last week and found out that I was 1 cm dilated and about 30% effaced.  I know that means nothing to some of you but for my mommy friends you know it means we are getting close.  Yay, because this momma is getting tired of being pregnant.  Our doctor told us everything looks great and he was pretty sure I would make it to our next visit, which is Thursday.  He also told us that if I were to go into labor anytime before then that he felt comfortable letting SG make her debut.  He told us he would not try to stop the labor, that she would be healthy enough to be born if even a bit early.  That said, I no longer need to remain on bed rest (although sometimes bed is the most comfortable place to be).  So.....we wait.....and wait....and wait.

Today I am officially 37 weeks!  Despite the discomfort of being pregnant up until about Saturday I have been ok.  Ok meaning that I can still get around (though not gracefully) and I can still do a few things and run some errands.  Then Saturday came and I woke up feeling like Sofia gained 10 extra lbs!  Seriously, what did this kid eat because overnight I went from feeling large to HUGE!  She's very active and loves to kick and stretch and she especially hates when I am on my side.  The other day my good friend Kylee came over and got to feel SG's in utero acrobats.  She freaked when she felt how hard SG kicks.  It's crazy how strong they get and I imagine at this point SG is over being squished inside me too.  I joke that she's trying to kick her way out of me...kind of like the scene in Kill Bill when Uma Thurman punches out of her grave.  Yup that's what it feels like our lil one is doing.  I just asked SG that if she is going to come could she do it any day but Saturday becuase that's football day---as if I can negotiate with her.  

Ahh football...how I love college football season!  It was a bit sad to miss our first Longhorn opening game in three years but thankfully ESPN and the Longhorn network struck a deal the night before the first game.  Since we are missing games this season we invited friends over to watch the game (and about 3 others) Saturday night.  It was great having our friends around but I was super uncomfortable and was having contractions the entire night.  Kylee had to play hostess to our guests in my house.  Thank goodness for friends!  Sunday I literally did nothing all day.  I sat around and watched war movies (yes, I should have been a man becuause Saturday I watched football all day and then this) all day.  You would be surprised how much time you can waste watching "We Were Soldiers" and "Saving Private Ryan."  I was so tired of laying around all day and being cooped up that I decided I would try to exercise.  So I pulled out the trusty exercise ball, did some arm workouts and then began to bounce on my ball.  Some people say bouncing helps bring on labor so I figured, why not?  Plus my good friend Papar bounced her baby right out when she went into labor.  Daniel laughed as I just bouned away.  Strangely the ball and bouncing relieve a lot of pressure from your back.  Up until Saturday I have had some minor back pain but now it's much more intense.  In fact I today I have had some contractions in my lower back (don't worry, nothing on schedule...just my body getting ready).  After my ball bouncing (which BTW reminded me of being a kid) I wanted to take our pups for a walk and take advantage of the small cold front that came through.  We took our walk and I thought, "hmm this isn't so bad" and about five minutes after I said that I wanted to turn around.  They say walking is good, especially when you are close so I am going to try and go for a few more until SG arrives.  Poor DJ was walking with me at a record slow pace.  Even the pups were getting bored.  

Anyhow, today I am still here...waiting.  I have this feeling SG will arrive early, maybe it's wishful thinking but I have felt that way since the beginning.  I feel like it might be sometime next week.  Eek!  Hopefully I will be more dilated at my next visit.  I became curious as to what 10 cm looks like because it sure doesn't sound like a lot.  So I decided to see....seriously?!  How do babies come out of something that is only 10 cm?!  I mean I understand you stretch and all but goodness!  God is always perfect in his planning but how about a lil more?  I mean we are talking cm's not inches!  I probably should not have looked it up.  It definitely didn't put my mind at ease.  Labor reminds me of when I was training for the half marathon.  I had no concept of how the run would go, would I be in pain, would it hurt, could I make it?  I told Husband I was nervous about labor because it's so unknown and what if I don't do a good job (this is the competitive side of me)?  His response, "Well babe, I don't think there is a wrong or a right way to do this.  I'm pretty sure there isn't a good job way of doing this...you just push."  Hmm, simple yet true.  

For those of you who are visual here is what 10 cm looks like (don't worry I didn't upload some gross pregnancy picture). PS, I tried to show this to scale but for some reason it's not working, but you get the point.

Pansy in the wind...

I realized today that I haven't posted in a bit.  The reason is a lack of content, or the lack of good content.  I don't like to be negative but after two rough weeks I think the negativity is starting to creep in.  My frustration has begun to reach a new level and I am just about to that point that most mommies-to-be reach, "get this baby out of here!"

A few weeks ago I started having Braxton Hicks contractions.  These are completely normal and are often referred to as "practice" contractions.  They aren't like real contractions which typically start in your lower back and move their way to your lower abdomen.  Instead BH contractions kind of feel like when you get a tight muscle after a workout.  Your entire belly gets hard...really hard...so hard it feels like someone poured cement in your belly and let it dry.  At first these are pretty cool.  "OOh babe watch my belly shrink and get super hard."  It's kind of a right of passage for prego mommies reminding us that we are getting close to meeting our sweet lil puff nugget.  I didn't mind them at first.  But about two weeks ago my BH contractions starting annoying me.  I say annoy because they don't really hurt.  They can be a bit uncomfortable so annoy is the best word I can think of.  I started noticing I would have them VERY frequently.  Not the four in an hour that is normal but more like 5 in 15 minutes!  This went on several hours at a time for a few days.  I know I probably should have called my doctor but I feel embarrassed calling my doctor for every pain, discomfort, etc.  I don't want to be one of those crazy women who thinks she is in labor every time she feels a tinge of pain.  So I waited until my next doctor's appointment.  I started to get nervous and last Monday I finally conceded and called the nurse and told her what was happening.  She told me to take it easy and drink LOTS of water.  Now anyone who is close to me knows I drink a ridiculous amount of water...probably over 100 oz a day.  In fact I attribute my water consumption to why I am not really bloated in my feet or my face.  So I know I was getting enough water.  Tuesday, was my appointment and I confessed to my doctor that the contractions were still coming quite regularly.  He decided to check my cervix.  Oh yay, I LOVE being poked and prodded in my lady parts....all in a day's work!  Guess I should get used to it. To our big relief I was not dilating but my doctor did but me on temporary bed rest.  He said I didn't have to stay in bed all day long necessarily but he did want me to limit my activities and work from home.  After further reading I found that sometimes mommies that are too active can bring on BH contractions.  Husband Daddy and some of my closest friends keep getting after me for doing too much.  My typical self, "no, I'm good, I can do this."  So I guess everyone was right.  So last week I worked from home.  I don't mind working from home but I DO mind not being able to do much at all.  I think I psyched myself out.  It's not like we do much during the week but knowing I wasn't really allowed to do much, even around the house, made me stir crazy.  By Friday DJ felt comfortable in letting us go to dinner with some friends and me getting my hair cut (not that he had much say because I probably would have done it anyway).  Saturday and Sunday I know I did WAY too much.  I told Husband I would rest but I had things I wanted to get done and so he agreed to help me.  Saturday I did things around the house.  Sunday we went to church and between the round ligament pain and the BH contractions I knew I was probably overdoing it.  I just had two quick errands I needed Husband to help me with and then we came home.  Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday my BH contractions came back.  So now my stubborn self knows...I need to take it easy and really limit my activities.  I cried about it the other day because I told Husband I felt so bored and felt like I wasn't contributing to the family.  We are both very type A and sadly we feel we've had a good day when we have contributed or accomplished something.

On Monday we had a visit with our perinatal specialist.  We have been holding our breath for this one praying that he would give our lil puff nugget a clean bill of health.  Praise God because he said he no longer detected the spot on her heart and that she looked perfectly healthy!  Oh and he estimated her weight at 6 lbs.  She is a Petite Sofie no more.  He finally cleared us and turned me over 100% to my OB!

Monday afternoon was pretty rough.  I am not sure if it was because of the activity level or just plain pregnancy but I started to have BH contractions again pretty regularly.  Around 3 PM during a conference call I started to feel some new discomfort.  First, I got really clammy and nauseous and then I felt what felt like menstrual cramps in my lower back.  Nothing major just a dull ache.  Then it moved to the front.  Uh-oh....after about 1/2 hour of this I got a teensy nervous.  I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself (mind you I was on a call so I had to act like I was fine, it was probably good I was on the call because it distracted me).  After my meeting was over I decided to get up and walk around a bit.  The cramps went away and I felt much calmer.  I cooked a quick dinner (poor Husband...now all he gets are casseroles instead of my old creative cooking).  By the time Husband came home around 7 I had been feeling the dull cramps again.  In addition my round ligament pain became almost unbearable.  It hurt to even get up off the couch.  After dinner I drew myself a bath and hoped that the soak would alleviate both.  After my bath I decided to get into bed.  I get into bed around 8:30 now since it's one of the few places that is somewhat comfortable.  The aches continued but not as strong as before.

So that leads me to this morning.  After speaking with my nurse she instructed me that not much can be done for the round ligament pain except Tylenol.  She also told me that since my cramps weren't at any consistent pattern that I should be ok but I need to monitor them again today and I need to take it easy.  I am starting to think I am going to be told to take it easy (aka do nothing but stay home) until the end of my pregnancy.  Grrrrr....that frustrates me so much!  I feel like my body is being used and abused and I feel like such a pansy now!  When did I become such a  wimp?!  I mean I ran a half marathon pregnant, why can't I get through the last few weeks of pregnancy?! 

I know I need to do what's best for Sofie G.  My OB says that Sofie would be ok if she was born now but he prefers she bake a lil bit longer.  I am 35 weeks so just a few more to go.  This last part has been hard, mostly mentally challenging.  I can deal with aches and pains but being frustrated, annoyed and bored has been very hard on me.  So I apologize to all of you if I have been short in the last few weeks.  I especially need to apologize to Husband since he bears the brunt of my mood swings and craziness.  I've said it once and I will say it again but I truly have been blessed with an amazing man.  Thank you God for sending me Husband Daddy!!!!! 

Time to build a nest!

Ok so I admit it...I am a control freak.  Yes it's true, I am.  My friends and family all know this.  They say the first step to recovery is recognizing the problem...and I do, I really do.  I am not sure why I am this way.  Genetics?  Maybe.  Being on my own since I was 15?  Possibly.  Predisposed behavior?  Highly likely.  Whatever the reason, good or bad, I am a self-admitted control freak.   So I am sure it comes as no surprise that being pregnant has truly challenged this very challenging side of my personality.  On top of that, if I think pregnancy has been challenging, I KNOW being a mommy will definitely be challenging.  So why am I talking about this?  Well, I have noticed that as my pregnancy progresses I have become even more controlling (scary for those around me).  I would say it is mostly because I feel such a lack of control over my body.  You can't tell your bladder that going pee five times a night is excessive and it must stop.  Or your indigestion that you've had enough and take a hike.  Or your lil poppyseed-papaya growing inside of you to stop kicking because frankly mommy is exhausted and feels quite used.  Nope, you can't control much when you are pregnant...oh JOY!  So what can you control?  Well let me tell you....

First of all when you can't control your body and you are a control freak you need to find a new outlet to...well, control.  That said, if you have even the slightest bit of OCD (which I do, you didn't know I am also an MD--yes tis true) that will spread like a bad rash.  Second, being a control freak with OCD means trouble for everyone around.  As if it wasn't already bad enough that my fridge has to be organized in a certain manner, or the cans in my pantry have to all be facing the same way, now I am becoming a freak about even the tiniest thing!  In fact just the other day Husband was trying to be helpful and put one of the spices away.  When I opened the spice cabinet I was horrified to find the paprika in the wrong spot. 

"Daniel did you put this here?!"

"Yes babe, isn't that where it goes?"

"Um NO, it goes here!" (I move said paprika 1/4 of an inch to the right and turn it so the label is facing out).

So as you can see I have fallen off the edge.  Now back to taking control.  Like I said, when you can't control your body you need a new outlet and boy have I found mine.  ORGANIZING!!!!  Oh the word even brings a smile to my face and warms my heart!  Yes my friends I have become an uber organizer.  I have always like to organize but now it's a whole new ballgame.  I use all my expendable energy on organizing anything and everything.  In fact the other day I thought I had nothing left to organize but was elated when I realized there were still a few items I could tackle!  Sick, I know.  Some also refer to this period as nesting.  In fact Wikipedia (sorry Webster's but now we techies go to Wikipedia) defines nesting as: commonly characterized by a strong urge to clean and organize one's home and is one reason why couples who are expecting a baby often reorganize, arrange, and clean the house and surroundings.  So yes, I would say that perfectly defines what has taken place at Casa Jenkins.  Note the reference above about couples.  Another sad reality is that when mommy-to-be nests, then daddy-to-be is forced into the same behavior.  After all they do say for better or worse.  Not to mention the fact that the unit (my belly) is quite prohibiting.  How does one organize the kitchen cabinets when the unit prevents you from even being able to reach your cabinets because it bumps the countertops.  Or how can you organize the entire media storage under your TV when the unit won't even let you bend down halfway?  Insert said spouse to the rescue.  Luckily (actually more by God's grace) I have a husband who rolls with it.  He stopped asking, "honey wasn't this already organized?" when I was on my third round of REorganizing something.  He also stopped asking, "so is this what nesting is all about."  Ok I admit it, I have not only organized some items but I have reorganized others...it made me feel better.  I feel such happiness and pride when I complete a project.  So much so that I decided to document the end results.  Now please don't be a Debbie Downer and give me a "wha, wha" response of, "you know it won't stay like that forever when baby arrives?" or "wait to your kid comes and messes it all up.  Yes, people I know the harsh reality is that things won't stay this way and I won't maintain it but can't a girl bask in her own glory for a bit?  I mean I put a lot of hard work and effort into this, a simple, "job well done" will suffice.  So please, please leave your negative comments at the door and I will try to organize those later.  ;)

Here are some photos of a few of my projects.  Oh and I included some of Husband Daddy.  As noted in exhibits A-E, he too has been a part of this process. 

Exhibit A:  Husband Daddy's famous last words before putting together all of Sofia's "necessities;" "I have a feeling this is going to be a VERY frustrating day."  Now c'mon daddies you know you love an excuse to pull out your toolbox; I'm just guessing you would rather be putting together more "manly" items.  ;)

Exhibit B: Next up the Snap-N-Go.  He's still smiling.

Exhibit C: Husband showed this Snap-N-Go the business and put it together in record time.  This is his version of his ghetto thug-life mean face.  Um, it's not working. 

Exhibit D: And now for the baby car seat.

Surprise!  This one came already assembled!

Exhibit E: Last up, the Baby Jogger stroller.  I must say I am so glad he put these together, only bad thing, I don't know how these things work.  Husband will have to give me a lesson.  This was also the gift I was most excited about.  I don't know why I think I am going to be running 10 miles the second Sofia Grace arrives home.  Wishful thinking maybe.  I WILL however, train for my next half marathon with her.  Me and Sofie G!

Chloe's version of nesting.  She likes to take the term literally.

My second project was organizing the pantry, which many of you saw.  I can't help it, I was most proud of this project so I decided to post it again.

Storage bins in my office complete with labels.  Yes people, I LOVE to label things whenever possible!

Our medicine and towel closet.  Now I will admit, I took the idea of labeling the medicine bins by medicine types from Pinterest.  Hopefully this eliminates the ever annoying, always endearing question, "babe, where is the pepto?" or "do we have any Advil?"  We shall see.

A closer view.  Oh and yes those are extra shampoos, conditioners and body washes in that top bin.  In addition to loving to organize I love to coupon.  I decided to stock up on as many essentials (toiletries, laundry detergents, cleaning products, etc.) as possible before Sofia arrives.  My thought is I won't have either the time or energy to run to the store all the time so I wanted a backup reserve.  My good friend Amanda calls our home Costco.

Under my sink.  Not my best work but much better than before.

Ahh....zee closet.  Sadly, these are all my shoes and sadly, I had to give a bunch away when the carpenter came to build all of this storage in my closet.   Husband likes to tell people he almost didn't marry me when he saw all the shoes, clothes, purses and scarves (mmm...my favorite) in my closet.  I must be super charming because he still married me.

Another view.  I think I may have a boot obsession.  I also like all my hangers to match if possible.  This is not a cheap thing to do.  I have had to buy them a little at a time.  Also not shown...my famous scarf collection.  I have over 100 the last time I counted which is ludicrous but I still love them just the same!

Here is a view of the vanity we had built so I can store all my accessories since I seem to be an accessory addict.  In fact, I would venture to say I like accessories more than clothes.

And another view.

Viola!  The vanity.  This is my lil dressing room area.  Husband Daddy painted Sofie's closet to match.  Uh-oh trouble.  He's such a sweet Husband!

Le Chateau di Sofie

Ok, ok...many of you have asked what Sofie's room looks like and I think I am finally at a point where I can share.  Now keep in mind a few things; 1) there really isn't a theme (sorry I just couldn't pick one I liked and I'm not really into characters, animals, etc.---not that there is anything wrong with them but I'm just not into them), 2) my taste is very...what's the word...eclectic--my style is not for everyone but I think Sofie will like it :), 3) there are still some things to finish out and possibly change.  So when I say eclectic I guess I say that because I love old and new things.  Anyone who has been to our house knows I love to mix old rustic pieces and antiques with newer modern styles.  Maybe it's the wild Leo side of me that just loves a hodge podge of everything.  So when we started on Sofia's room I knew that I wanted either antique furniture or furniture that looks old.  The other thing about me and decorating is I am cheap.  It's kind of like a game to me.  I set a budget and then if I stay under it I feel like I won.  I know, I know, I am strange but I can't help it.  That said, you will see me talk a lot about deals I found on things for her room...it kind of makes me giddy to find a good bargain.  Probably just another extension of my OCD rearing it's ugly head.  All in all I wanted to create a room that Sofia could grow into, surrounded by treasures that were either handed down or had special meaning.  Daniel says it's my Bohemian side coming out.  I guess we can call it that.

Here are some photos of her room to date.  Oh and special shout out to Husband Daddy for rearranging furniture at all hours of the night about 100 x, patching the 13 holes I put in the wall to hang the bird art and just loving Sofia and I enough to help.  Love you Husband Daddy!

 

I painted the accent wall with yellow peonies since peonies are my favorite flower.  After loving it, I kind of wonder if it's too busy but everyone else seems to love it and Husband is strictly opposed to repainting the wall.

I had the shades made by a lady on Etsy.  I am most proud of the recliner.  This is the same one they sell at Baby's 1st but I was not about to pay $1,000 for a chair so I did some investigating and found a vendor online who sells it for $600!  The changing table is an antique from the early 1900's as well as the side table.  The first thing I bought for her room were the angel wings...I absolutely adored them.  The first ones I found were on Restoration Kids but they were over $300...sorry but I just could not pay that.  I found these online and painted them to match the mirror (from Marshall's).  Oh and these wings were $60.

The room arrangement gave me a heart attack.  Originally I wanted the crib on the wall with the mirror but it just looked silly there.  I have am very picky when it comes to furniture placement and design...I get very OCD.  This layout "felt right."  I looked for an antique ladder in the Heights but they were asking over $200 for them.  As usual I said, "no way" and got online and found a vendor in Illinois that sells antique ladders from old farms and farm houses.  This one was $50!

Another view of her room in the evening.  I love warm lighting and I am so happy we chose this to be her room because it is so peaceful and cozy.  The pups LOVE Sofie's room. In fact I think Chloe thinks this is her room.

Another view--wish the lighting was better in these photos.

The book shelf is an antique from the 1930's.  It used to be a display case in an old grocery store.  I LOVE this piece.  I actually spotted it about six months before I even knew I was pregnant  but just did not have a place for it in our home.  It has about 100 layers of paint on it which I love.  I am still working on rearranging and decorating the shelves.  Shelves are always such a pain to me.  Oh and the best thing about this piece is that it was about $200 less than anything I found in the stores.

Another view of her book shelf.  Ugh and the Diaper Genie...can't they make those things look any better.  They are a must but Lord they need some design help!  I made the framed letters above.  Etsy had people selling them for $20 a piece.  I just went to Hobby Lobby, bought 50% off frames, scrapbook paper and letters and put it all together.  I think the entire project cost $30.

Another view of her bookshelves.  I had the framed prints made by a girl on Etsy for only $15.  I thought they were pretty sweet.  The old baby shoes were something I bought in an antique store in Comfort.  I bought them with my aunt.  I wasn't even pregnant but I told her they would be perfect for when/if we had a baby and I would give them to Husband during the gender reveal.  I took a guess and bought lil girl shoes...funny how things work out.

The books are antique books from the 1940's.  I collect old books and wanted Sofia to have a collection of her own too.  The handkerchief is the same one that I carried on my bouquet on our wedding day.  It was a gift from Daniel's mom, it belonged to her mom.  I love it!

More old books ranging from the late 1800's to the 1930's.  The apothecary jars look old but they are from Pottery Barn.  They don't really match anything specific but they reminded me of something I would find in an East Coast antique store.

Close-up of the wings and Marshall's mirror.

I had these commissioned for Sofie's room by a fabulous artist on Etsy (she actually painted the dog portraits in our home).  From left to right each bird represents a member of our family; Husband, me (I am the mockingbird, fitting since mockingbirds can be mean and crazy), Sofia Grace and our two pups Gracie and Chloe.

Vintage looking book shelf with antique books from the late 1800's and Daniel's grandmothers Bible.  The baskets are where all her diaper changing creams, lotions, powders are hidden.

Sweet lil pink bunny by JellyBelly (I received a stuffed animal as a gift made by them and fell in love with the corduroy look and feel, they look old fashioned to me).  The book is a book from the 1930's that was a gift at my last baby shower.  guests signed their names and wrote notes inside. 

Sophies for Sofie!  I found the scale at my favorite antique shop.  I can't wait to take a newborn pic of her in it (not quite sure how that will work but we shall find out).

Side table with mommy and daddy close by.

Old ladder used as blanket storage.  The first two blankets were gifts which were made for Sofia.  The second one is actually folded in reverse but when you open it up it is a beautiful rag quilt...something Sofie can cherish forever.

I needed to fill some wall space and couldn't decide what I wanted.  Then one night (at 3 AM) I woke up with an idea.  Why  not write a letter to Sofia Grace?!  The letter just contains some prayers and wishes I have for her and serves as a reminder that I will always be there for her.  Husband will have one also right below this one.

And now....le CLOSET!  Husband was so sweet and painted her closet to match mine.  He wanted her to have a lil dressing room like her mommy has (I KNEW I married the right man).  The vanity belonged to his grandmother when she was little.  The angel was made my Gpa (Daniel's grandpa who passed away last year).  The shadow box will house her hospital keepsakes (outfit, ID bracelet, etc.).  Yes, that is her hospital bag, all packed and ready to be put in the car.  The chalkboard above includes the verse that is in our maternity pics.  When Husband was hanging the hooks he said, "are these for all her scarves?  Because if she's anything like her momma she will have 100s of them."

A sampling of her clothes.  Sadly there are more in her dresser and hanging on the opposite side of her closet.  We actually haven't really bought much for her, most of these were gifts!

A VERY small sampling of her shoes.  C'mon every proper girl needs a large shoe collection!

Alright, I will admit it, I went crazy labeling everything in our home during the nesting period.  However, this also serves as a way for Husband to know where things go so he doesn't ask me every five seconds, "where do her socks, go?"  We shall see if it works.  If not, well at least it looks cute.