It' My Party...and I'll Cry if I Want to!

Phew....I am finally awake enough and have found a few minutes to type up an update. I knew being a mommy was going to be busy but someone forgot to mention a few minor details. Everyone's advice to me was, sleep when she sleeps. Ok sounds easy enough. WELL....they also forgot to mention all the other things you have to do as a new mommy. Here is a quick rundown:

Baby goes down for nap, you go down for nap right? Wrong...here is a snapshot of how things really pan out.

• Baby is finally asleep...now would be a good time to eat, you didn't realize you hadn't had breakfast and it's now lunch time
• Pump...oh joy, since I have to both breastfeed and bottle feed I also have to pump, there goes at least 15 minutes of my supposed nap time
• Wash bottles and prep bottles for next round of feedings
• Oh yeah, I have to pee...now would be a good time to go
• Don't forget to tend to your mommy birthing wounds (won't go into detail here because I don't want to frighten you non mommies)
• Catch up on your social life (respond to text messages---sadly some are 3+ days old, emails, etc.) phone calls are usually out because those would require some semblance of brain power which you do not have and the reserves that you do have must be saved for baby
• Lie down and finally time for nap....WUAHHHHHH (welp that was a good 15 minute nap)

So that's kind of how my day goes. Some days SG naps a little longer and I can catch some good zzz's. I will say week three (yes she 3 weeks now...time is flying by!) is easier. She is napping longer and on a pretty decent schedule (thank you Baby Wise!).

So before my lil egg roll wakes up I wanted to post some photos of SG's birth. As you know we opted to induce a week early because my OB was going to be out of town. Thank goodness we decided to do so because had we waited another week SG would have been even bigger than she was and I would have likely had a C section which I was not interested in. On Monday, September 24th Husband Daddy and I loaded up and headed to the hospital. I had a lot of nervous energy and didn't know what to do...my adrenaline was running. So I decided to do what any expectant mom would do...put on some good jamz...hello Jay Z and Kanye. Husband laughed at my choice in music but this is the same stuff I listen to when I am about to go on a long run. We were promptly greeted by my amazing LD nurse. Once we were settled in they started me on the smallest dose of Pitocin since we discovered I had already started labor.

The next few hours flew by. Every hour I seemed to progress by about 2 cm. Once my contractions were two minutes apart I finally asked for my epidural. Then at 6 PM my nurse asked me if I was ready to have a baby and start pushing! She and my doctor both thought I would have Sofia Grace by 6:45. And so the pushing began. This was it....I felt like I had been training for this for months. All the working out was about to pay off. But....as God and SG would have it, they had a different agenda. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing and nothing. Everyone kept saying, "you're so close." So close to what?! Nothing was happening and by 7:10 there was still no SG. I grew very frustrated and wondered why I wasn't able to push my lil nugget out. Like I said, I was ready and had "trained" for this (like having a baby is a race or something...silly me). Finally, my doctor said, "Lissette, I don't want to keep making you push for another 2 hours. I would like to use the forceps. Sofia is getting stuck on your coccyx bone so every time you push she progress but then gets stuck on your bone. I would rather save your energy, use the forceps than make you keep pushing, exhaust you and then have to resort to a C section because you are too tired." Ugh, this was NOT my birth plan but as I have learned the last nine months I am not really in control of much and I knew this was what God had intended so I conceded.

I will spare you the gory details but let me tell you...I definitely felt some discomfort. By my second to last set of pushes I started to get so angry and it hurt to push (my coccyx bone was being pushed on to make room for our nugget...NOT comfortable, I felt like it would break if I pushed any harder). I finally yelled out, "I can't do it, she's not coming!" I was so upset and tired and then finally I snapped out of it after saying a quick prayer. "That's it, let's get her out." Seriously, I said all of this and then the next set of pushes our sweet lil angel was here...major cone head and all! She arrived at 7:47 PM on September 24, 2012 and weighed a whopping 8 lbs. 6 oz and 21" long. We still aren't sure how she fit inside of me...we were expecting a pettite 6+ pounder!

I really don't recall much after SG arrived because I immediately came down with a high fever and became sick. Daddy was there to hold SG and welcome her into the world. He was with her the entire time they cleaned her off, checked her stats, got her footprints and more. I was amazed to see my husband who has never been around infants take on the role of daddy so effortlessly. It was as if he had been a daddy all his life and I immediately fell deeper in love with him. After about two hours I felt good enough to finally hold my lil miracle and it was magical. Words cannot describe the intense emotion you feel holding something that you and your spouse created. For those non-believers, holding a baby will at least make you question God's existence. I was in awe as I stared at perfection personified...ten lil fingers, ten lil toes...all perfect. Every coo, gurgle, grunt and sigh made my heart melt and I could not believe that WE created this beautiful lil being. One of the most magical moments was when Sofia looked up at me with her big eyes. She stared at me as if she knew exactly who I was. I had waited so long to meet my sweet girl and the bond she and I shared as we locked eyes was one of the most powerful, overwhelming feelings I have ever felt in my life. In that moment it was as if the world stopped, everything grew still and it was just me and my Sofia Grace.

Now SG is almost four weeks old and although the mommy journey has been much more than I expected I am more in love with her than the moment I first laid eyes on her. Her personality has already made itself known (that's for a whole other blog posting). For now, here are some shots from Sofia's debut...it was her party and she definitely cried when she wanted to.

 

"Hello world...ugh, I am exhausted!  It was a lot of working being born!"



Finally able to hold my Sofia Grace.

Perfection.

"Mom, dad, I've only been here a few minutes and you guys have already kissed me about a million times!"

Love at first sight.

She's already got him wrapped around her fingers.

My cup runneth over.

We were so excited...our SG was finally here!

We did it!

Snug as a newborn bug in a rug!

I love being in my mommy's hands.

"Ahh this is the bestest sleeping position!"

Sofia Grace, the human Gloworm!

 

Today is a BIG day...a VERY BIG day!

Today is a big day...a very big day for us. One week ago today at 7:47 PM our sweet Sofia Grace came into the world. Our sweet angel, our lil miracle chose us to be her parents and we were couldnt have been happier. 

All in all my labor was not too difficult.  I was lucky in that I was only in labor a total of 10 hours.  In fact when we went in for my induction last Monday we discovered that I was in the very early stages of labor so it didn't take much pitocin to kick start my labor.  At 6 PM I started pushing.  Everyone said I would probably have her out in about 45 minutes later.  An hour and a half later I was still pushing and becoming VERY frustrated.  I had prepared for this day for months, working out as long as I could, doing all my kegal exercises and more.  And still SG would not budge.  My amazing doctor, Dr. Gottesman, told me that my cocix bone was very curved and SG's head was getting stuck on it and after every push SG would essentially get sucked back in (sorry for the lack of a better description).  So he told me he wanted to use forceps, which I was not excited to use but if it meant we wouldn't have to perform a C section then I was all for it.  Long story short, with some help SG finally arrived.  Unfortunately, right after delivery I became sick and developed a fever.  I felt as thought I would faint and wasn't even able to hold my sweet baby girl.  Daddy was amazing and took care of her right after birth but sadly I never had that moment right after birth of holding her.  I had envisioned a beautiful moment with skin to skin contact, tears falling down my cheeks with daddy watching over us.  But instead I didn't get to hold her for almost two hours after birth.  Thankfully, we had arranged to have a friend of ours who is also a photographer capture Sofie's first hours here on Earth.  I will post these in another post.

Besides today being Sofie's one week birthday it is also a day to thank our great God for once again performing one of his glorious miracles. On Wednesday of last week we brought SG home.  By Thursday night I started to notice something didn't seem right with SG.  While in the hospital she was sweet and serene.  By Thursday night she had changed.  She seemed hungry every hour, wouldn't rest more than 30 minutes and just seemed cranky all the time.  Most would say, "that's a newborn," but deep down I knew something was off.  Not to mention by Friday morning SG had not had a wet diaper since 10 PM the night before.  She also hadn't had a dirty diaper since 6 PM the night before.  I decided to call my pediatrician and spoke to a nurse explaining that I thought SG was not getting enough food and seemed dehydrated.  My milk had still not come in and I wondered if Sofie was simply hungry.  I was directed by the nurse to take SG to the ER. 

Daddy and I were nervous but we thought we would go to the ER, they would give her some fluids and we would head home.  That was not the case at all.  By the time we arrived to the ER Sofie looked very jaundice.  The triage nurse worked so quickly that before we knew it SG had an IV put in and was being admitted to the NICU.  Admitting hadn't even processed her paperwork when all of this had been done.  The next days were surreal.  Our lil sweetness was taken to the level 3 (highest level) NICU.  Everything happened so quickly and is all a blur.  We were told that Sofie's bilirubin levels were extremely high and had we waited any longer her brain and organs could have been affected.  She was also dehydrated and as suspected slightly malnourished.  She had lost a pound since we brought her home.  Some weight loss is ok but we were told it was too much.  The doctors told us that they would begin fluids and phototherapy treatments.  They also wanted me to breastfeed her but I simply didn't have any milk so we had to supplement.  I felt like a failure.  My body failed me and because of it my baby was now in the NICU.  I was eating right and drinking LOTS of fluids and still nothing.  I felt like I had starved my own child.

The next parts I will tell through photos.  We haven't told a lot of you what is going on mainly because we were not sure what the outcome would be.  I was scared of telling too many people and didn't want a bunch of postings on Facebook about what was going on.  I was basically just scared and when I am scared or stressed I tent to keep to myself.

Poor SG had to wear goggles.  My heart broke seeing her hooked up to all the machines.  We weren't able to hold her because she had to remain under the lights which help the bilirubin reincorporate into the blood so that it can be eliminated through waste.  Essentially, jaundice is when bilirubin (toxic) counts are increased and are not released via waste.  Since SG wasn't eating enough she wasn't creating waste and her bilirubin increased.

This was day two...we laughed because she LOVED this position (not recommended at home) and it is how her daddy likes to sleep.  Sweet baby and her goggles.  :(

I love this picture.  Since SG was malnourished they decided to giver her a nasal feeding tube.  This made me so sad.  We would try to either breast feed or bottle feed and whatever she didn't eat they fed through her tube.

Still day two and we were able to hold her for just a tiny bit to feed her.  I love this lil face!



Day two was also game day.  Daddy remembered to wear his UT gear.  It was a good day for us.  Sofie had wet and dirty diapers, was starting to eat on her own and Texas won!  We decided SG sent the Longhorns some positive vibes.  Hook 'em!



Day 3 and SG was off phototherapy!  Her bilirubin counts had been cut in half and the best part was that we were able to hold her!  She looked like a lil gloworm!

I was so happy to finally hold my baby!  It's amazing how quickly you fall in love with them.  Not being able to hold her tore my heart apart so this was a very big deal for me.  We just sat together and I would stare at her for hours.

Mom, stop kissing me so much!

Day 3 was also a big day for Sofie.  She finally got to put some clothes on.  My midday SG decided she was over her feeding tube and took it out herself!  Typical of our daughter to be that headstrong and on her own schedule.  The doctors were ok with her removing her tube so we just left it out.  She's a happy lil nugget here.

 



Day 4 and we are going HOME!  I had convinced myself she would not go home because I didn't want to get my hopes up.  When I walked into the NICU SG was propped up in a bouncy chair.  She looked like such a big girl.  Shortly after this pic the doctors rounded and told me SG was good to go home!

A few things to note about this experience. One, I discovered how strong our marriage is. I always knew we had a good marriage but going through this made me realize what a great team we are. Husband Daddy and I are truly a team and God blessed us with each other. Two, I realized how easily we take things for granted. A simple smile, a snuggle, a hug...it all seems so natural when you first have your baby but when you can't hold your baby you realize how much you take it for granted. Three, SG has a ferocious temper. I'm not talking about regular grumpy baby temper. I'm talking about the kind that is rageful...all the nurses talked about how headstrong she is and how she tries to do things on her own (feed, hold her pacifier, etc.). I laugh because this means she has my temper...God definitely has a sense of humor. Four, as hard as it was to leave Sofie overnight, I learned how important sleep is for a momma. I lost it the first night when I had to leave her. I refused to go home but after much coaxing from Husband, the doctors and nurses I went home and literally passed out in 2.2 as soon as my head hit my pillow. I needed the sleep and had to get better. That night not only did I rest but my milk came in!

Five, God is GOOD, no he is GREAT! We are beyond blessed that we caught all of this early and that God took care of our lil angel. Our prayers were answered and now our sweet angel is home. Our dear friend Barry told us to keep our faith, God is not surprised by what is happening and he has a plan. We trusted in God and now here I sit writing this blog post with Husband Daddy holding his lil girl next to me.

I am sorry I didn't share this with everyone sooner but now that we are on the road to recovery I feel better about sharing our story. Thank you all of you for your love and support. God bless everyone!